How communication is the key to handling kids and divorce
Let’s face it, being a parent is hard work. But being a parent and going through a divorce is even tougher. However, just because you may have fallen out of love with your partner, your children still need their parents. Even more so, they need their parents to get on.
As divorcing parents, it is important to keep your needs in the divorce separate from the needs of the children in the divorce. Often, parents set out with the best of intentions regarding the children. Promises are often made to ‘stay friends’ for their sake. Sadly, in my experience this attitude rarely lasts and without meaning to parents end up making their children suffer as a result.
The key to parenting is communication. However, when parents are divorcing communication is often the first thing to go. Children latch on to this pretty quickly. You may find that their behaviour deteriorates. School work can also suffer. I have known children become dab hands at playing one parent off against another to get what they want, knowing full well that their parents do not communicate. This is itself creates further tension between parents.
I find the best advice that I can give parents in this situation is to try mediation – it’s a great place to start talking to each other again. It’s not easy. Emotions run high and talking can often bring these to the surface. But, with hard work, determination and importantly co-operation, it I always think that the key is not to try to be friends, that sets the bar too high (at least to start with). Aim to be amicable. To be able to speak to your ex in a civil conversation. You will soon start to see the positive effect this has on your children. The reality is that over the course of your lifetime you will have to have many conversations with your ex about your children. Surely it makes life much easier if these can be amicable?
I hope that you find the above tips helpful. If however, you are having difficulties communicating and agreeing terms with your ex about holiday care, please do contact us on 01905 349217 (Worcester office) / 01902 302969 (Wolverhampton office) or e-mail robsherrey@sherreysolicitors.com
How communication is the key to handling kids and divorce
Let’s face it, being a parent is hard work. But being a parent and going through a divorce is even tougher. However, just because you may have fallen out of love with your partner, your children still need their parents. Even more so, they need their parents to get on.
As divorcing parents, it is important to keep your needs in the divorce separate from the needs of the children in the divorce. Often, parents set out with the best of intentions regarding the children. Promises are often made to ‘stay friends’ for their sake. Sadly, in my experience this attitude rarely lasts and without meaning to parents end up making their children suffer as a result.
The key to parenting is communication. However, when parents are divorcing communication is often the first thing to go. Children latch on to this pretty quickly. You may find that their behaviour deteriorates. School work can also suffer. I have known children become dab hands at playing one parent off against another to get what they want, knowing full well that their parents do not communicate. This is itself creates further tension between parents.
I find the best advice that I can give parents in this situation is to try mediation – it’s a great place to start talking to each other again. It’s not easy. Emotions run high and talking can often bring these to the surface. But, with hard work, determination and importantly co-operation, it can work. I always think that the key is not to try to be friends, that sets the bar too high (at least to start with). Aim to be amicable. To be able to speak to your ex in a civil conversation. You will soon start to see the positive effect this has on your children. The reality is that over the course of your lifetime you will have to have many conversations with your ex about your children. Surely it makes life much easier if these can be amicable?
I hope that you find the above tips helpful. If however, you are having difficulties communicating and agreeing terms with your ex about holiday care, please do contact us on 01905 349217 (Worcester office) / 01902 302969 (Wolverhampton office) or e-mail robsherrey@sherreysolicitors.com